Jumping out right now

Looking deep inside trying to know and find thyself I had to be courageous and have been trying to ,but somehow something always have been stopping me and this is human ,because only humans have these kinds of fear and doubts . I need to grow and for this I have started living or am really committed to live with a moment-to-moment, changing life. May be because I didn’t know a way I decided to fall into a love on which I can depend first tried calling back the one ,whom I trust is my Soul Mate and then when she was gone far I think I started to look for love from others .Do I really know love ,I mean I have known it or knew it before I was in any physical reality of been in love but since then I am just a lost kind. Memories triggers,loneliness hurts and many perceptions and too many questions have been arising ,why? I going by some quotes one of them saying everything is energy and other one saying we get what we are ,started me to once again stand up strong. I needed to ,I had to because no other person can help me grow anymore,maybe when we are kids we think parents help us but reality is life keeps happening and we keep growing.,the difference when we were babies we were not concerned about how and why,past and future but as we grew big into adults our mind ,the garbage bag is full of so called knowledge which has started giving us information and we feed ourselves with that,I personally have done that. Seeing movies about love I started believing if you truly love you get and lovers always meet ,BULLSHIT,I was only fooling myself. Maybe I was afraid that if I reach my being, what will happen to my love? Certainly now I know it will be gone – but a tremendous thing will happen ,that is I still won’t be a  loser. This will be a new kind of love which will be arising and this rarely arises ,the equations tells  perhaps to one person in millions,but now I am determined and I need to be in such kind of state of love where it will be called lovingness. To live in the present means to not resist life’s experiences, even the painful ones. I need to go from the realm of ego to the realm of being, I need to surrender to the music and become the dance. Life happens for us not to us and this can be experienced when we are alive and aware and this can be only in the present ,here and now. By trusting something unknown, limitless and wise, all I now have decided is to jump over the illusory self-limitations of the mind, hence I trust and have faith that it will be opening the door to higher guidance and purpose.

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