Love you HAMESHA(forever)

You are the one and only who means everything to me,
the moment your thought comes I know that it is only you I need,
and these thoughts stay as every breath I take ,thus every moment of my life I love you,
it is only one you for whom I can do anything,
and thus after you said you wanna go away I never tried stopping you,
I love you from heart  and I respect you too,
thus I still always feel happy to know you are happy,
I still will defend you with every inch of mine,
I am ready to sacrifice anything and even this life for you,
with you is my life ,because you are everything to me.
You came as a divine blessing in my life,
thus you see why so much I care for you,
you are the most precious treasure of my life and thus I guard you every moment,
so what if you are far away from me now ,every breath I take is because of you.
I will love you till eternity .

You are one who is full of everything I needed,
you are my best friend,the best lover you are,
you have everything I searched  in a woman,
you are everything I had dreamed.
Your heart is so full of love and care,
your brain is wonderful as whole of you,
your heart is kind caring loving ,
you loved me the way I wanted,you gave me happiness unlimited,
so what if things changed and you are far away,
you are the only person I can be in love with.
You are perfect to me and you are my angel,
you are everything that I see when I think therefore,
I will keep loving you till eternity.

You are everything my heart and soul wanted,
I so deeply cherish you,admire you ,
you are my everything which I couldn’t treasure forever.
I promised you the very first day we met
and I forever keep the promise,of l only loving you,
you are everything I always wanted and needed.
You  are my only love as you are my soul mate.
I therefore will keep loving you till eternity.

Source brought us together,and source separated us
but my love is strong as it vibes in my heart.
Your smile there makes me smile here,
you been happy there makes me feel happy here,
I remember those touches and when I think my body shivers still,
so see you are in me ,with me even when we are apart,
no voice can I ever hear as sweeter as yours,
no face can I see ever as beautiful as yours,
You use to say the sweetest words I ever heard,
you showed me a reason to love myself,
you gave me love from heart and I am grateful forever,
you are in my mind always ,you are in every breath I take,
you own every inch of me
Someone like you I know I can never meet,
thus I will keep loving you till eternity.

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Mirror

mirror

If for some reason the relationship we are is troubling us we need to point fingers and blame but we need to get quiet ourselves.Watch ourselves and find time for self to contemplate, meditate and find out who we are and honestly deal with issues we ourselves may have like fear,anger,pride,ego.laziness,self-worth. If  we seek a partner to fulfill or complete him or her for sure there will be conflicts as it is not our partner’s job to make us feel happy. It is our job to make ourselves happy and then we can shower happiness on the other.The moment we are looking expecting things from others resentments will arise and that then bring anger and anger leads to bigger arguments. The only reason I see some people go from one relationship to another.  They think that the other  person will “complete” them, but once the honeymoon phase is over, the needy partner sucks energy from the other partner trying to find fulfillment. And while seeking happiness from the other they become more needy,jealous,manipulative but this never works. So the moment someone is in the relationship he/she needs to see who in reality are because the other is just a mirror will never to hurt say who you are and always say who you trying to be are.,because mirror hides the truth,the inner us.

 

Self questioning and answering

Many times in life we really want to do something and because it was feeling ,maybe passion or a desire we do it……but suppose things don’t go the way we wanted some thoughts on daily basis attacks us …….I don’t know whether they attack you all or not but I am attacked ,and these last few days attacked many times a day. What I am trying to find out is answers to reply to these attacks……the question

Q.How to get rid of the thoughts of past disturbing my present?

Two decisions I made or say I was made to make do keep hurting me ,to be honest very badly I suffer but thanks to this passion of writing and sharing it here keeps me still grounded and I am able to walk on the path I selected,the spiritual path. One of the two is I had to leave my father’s house at the age of 35(might look odd but in Indian tradition and especially in HINDU religion and marwari caste the son and father they are together till one dies,and normally the son looks after the traditional business of the father)…so was I doing the same. But I have a strong desire which is formed to a basic need now that I want to work for the humanity and somehow everyday bring smile to atleast one face and help people to know how to live life on their own terms following their passion and reaching the ultimate goal of life,the state of Bliss.I told him about him and asked for few days off from work and asked him for money ,suddenly he surprised me by saying what have I earned that I ask money and if I need off it has to be forever…I was like aah. But i cared for my passion and am working on it,don’t know how to start but determined to find a way. The second thing my Soul Mate left me alone and I suffered a lot and still feel hurt at times when her memories come . Two questions……1. Was right in taking decision of leaving my father when I knew I had no place to stay and no money for food? 2..Was I right in going into relationship very early?

Now when many say me I am wrong as I failed or look as a failure for now , it hurts for a moment but then I give no importance to their question and I feel okay ,but when my inner self questions I do feel hurt .This inner fight is hardest thing to face .I personally am attacked lots of times by these thoughts and try to distract myself by getting engaged in other things but once I am back again to rest these thoughts provoke again and whole peace is lost. How to fight these inner demons? a thought came and I see that somehow it is me who is creating misery for myself. If my father didn’t like it ,its okay if its my passion and it will help me grow all I need is to keep moving,find ways ,find a job and get a house to stay…now passion is there but important is to make up and look the present conditions too…find job where I will get enough to have daily bread and butter and pay necessary rents and have more time to explore myself …thus it is great of my father and II from heart am grateful to him,because had he not taken that decision I would have been stuck at his shop and could never find time for me to grow,Thank you Dad.

After the break up thoughts came and questions started forming,How could I be such a fool?How could I get hurt?and so many ,cannot even write now smiles,asking deeper I found that no one is born perfect and so what if I failed. I asked my mind okay tell me had this worked what could you have questioned then or would you have praised me…come on now stop playing these dirty games. A person who faces lots of problems in life has maximum chances of learning more so I am thankful to her. Thing is I was very fast into calling out for a relation,I should have taken time ,understood her better,understood her dreams-wishes-desires-wants-needs….but I acted fast and so things didn’t go right. When we go to market we take hell lot of time in deciding for clothes or accessories or even for decorative pieces but this was inner decision ,a decision for life and we usually act fast to it and waste time on taking decision which are temporary.

I accepted that I have failed in my decisions and have now learned a lesson,the more we learn the more experiences we gain and this is wisdom, accepting the failures and overcoming them. So since I was sad and hurt I started going to the root cause and now can say learned.But when something goes wrong for first time it is not termed mistake only if we continue repeating it then it is mistake .Why does if I failed or had been successful matter ,to be stuck is mistake,to be thinking more about is mistake,to be sad about it is mistake. How can I let my past ruin my present and the Universe is so big it consumes all our mistakes.Mistake is not bigger then me,never ,so all I need is to move and grow. And these small mistake have taught me patience,the biggest hardest thing to learn is to be patient  but I am been blessed by Dad and her as I am more full of patience so that I can make choices in right way and take decisions of life in proper manner.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

No more imortant

A time was when you loved hearing me first in the morning
Now you feel pressure as you hear my voice
A time was you wanted your mobile to beep with my messages
Now you feel pressure as you see my message
A time was when only I was important to you
Now you feel stress when I try to talk
A time was when I was blessing in your life
Now you say I am a curse
A time was when you were happiest as you met me
NOw you regret meeting me
A time was when you could not feel complete without me
Now you feel I take your freedom away
A time was when I mattered
Now you are tensed due to me
Trust me I am so tired of being tired.
I remember the time when breathing was so effortless and normal,
And now it hurts with every inhale and exhale I take
You were my oxygen ,my heart beat
Now you took away the beats of my heart
And slowly taking the breath away
March 3rd I was everything for you
August 15th I am nothing for you.

Keep smiling

Forever we will be together
We made a promise to each other
No one could break us apart
We made a promise to each other
For our love is real and true
We made a promise to each other
With wonderful smile in our heart
We made this promise.

You knew I was in fear to be in love
And you holded my hand ,hugged me
You said love is wonderful
You promised it will be wonderful
I knew every word you say is true
You knew I trusted you the most
Since you came into my life
I told you I am grateful

As you came into my life
I for first felt true love
I prayed and wished you won’t leave me
Whatever may come along,
I will be broken and hurt
My world would fall apart
And you knew all this as you promised
But you left ,left me shattering

Now all I wish is you be happy
All I pray Thee that you be blessed
All I hope your life be full of love
You just keep smiling is my wish
May you never see fear I had
May you never be hurt by someone
I promise to pray for you always
Just give me a smile in your heart.

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You are in me

lost

If I could I’d right now start walking up to you and pull you into my arms
where you will be safe and where I know I’ll be safe,
with you in my arms,you mine and I yours. Your giggles which I miss now
those which lighted  up my heart I miss. You cannot imagine even but I do I love everything about you,all little silly expressions of you which only I can see and no other can even notice,I do, because I love you.

Yes it hurts as I am missing you,I may never met you again, yet I go on missing you every single breath of my day. I cannot explain it and when I don’t get to talk to you or read a message of yours not,I feel lost and I feel like my world is been crashed down around me.You made me feel loved,you made me feel colorful,you gave me so much joy,you gave me so much happiness and I feel safe with you and complete even though you are not mine anymore,but I feel surrounded by you.

This separation is hurting me and the distance too but I will be honest you are as if everywhere I see and missing you hurts much because I know that you being everywhere is just a fantasy and in reality you will never ever again be around me.

I Have To Remember

I have coloured myself
Into your colours
I have just become yours
What I have, doesn’t belong to me, it’s all yours.
So now even if you are away,
All I can say you forever remain in my heart.

emotionsoflife2016

I have to remember
That you and I are just a fantasy,  I have to remain centered.
But how do I exercise control
If all I want is to feel your soul.
To make you mine day and night
To help you feel my inner light.
Still, have to remember
That even though this emotion has a caring splendor
Have to walk really careful
Cause this passion and ecstasy
Could end up burning me.
At times we don’t have control of what life does
We just go with the flow and hope to pass the quiz.
If it could grant me a wish
It would be for me to be your main dish.
But have to remember that this could end at any second
Everything could disappear, leaving me just the essence
Of the way we both loved
But I don’t want to contemplate that, my love.
I rather be…

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SAT CHIT ANAND-our real nature,the only truth

Forget everything that you have thought up to now meaningful, significant. Sacrifice everything for this ultimate because this is the only thing that will make you contented, that will make you fulfilled, that will bring spring to your being… and you will blossom into a thousand and one flowers.
—BUDDHA—

                                   lotus

An incident just some few hours ago happened and I was shattered ,broken into pieces,crying,giving myself more pain ,hurting my own self and suddenly I was awaken.

Yes I  love somebody, and  will continue loving but the whole day I use to say her and to myself that , “I love you, I love you,” and I was enjoying saying it –in the beginning the other person I thought is happy,but sooner or later the thing became too much and suddenly everything seemed to be over ,maybe it is and just this thought was killing me as if. It was disturbing me ,myself and I was like blaming her and myself for this small incident which is not at all a big deal(this I came to realize a few minutes ago).

Many a times in our life we all have or will have this one situation arising whether we like it or not that the one whom we love the most ,the one whom we think is ours goes away leaving us alone and this one thought disturbs the whole peace and it is like a trouble,a problem. So this was happening with me and after she started avoiding my phone call and stopped replying to my messages (maybe blocked me at all social networks) ,I stopped crying and wanted to see the truth,the real truth –not why this happened but why was I suffering?

As clever as others I tried to find a solution ,a solution which 90% of us human beings do,we try to escape,we try to change it.We try to forget it and find tactics. There can be thousand and one strategies based on–religions,non religions or secular. What way I followed is not a question of importance nor it was an answer to myself, the whole thing I was doing was to somehow forget the pain.But all which I was trying was just temporary because a person who tries to forget misery can never find a way to know about the cause of misery ,and if we don’t find the reason ,the why,the how is not possible. I was not ready to follow this step now……..because it seemed temporary as the pain,suffering still remained there .

So I was now searching for a permanent way ,a permanent tactic and this is to go into the depth of the cause of suffering I was going by. I needed to understand and become aware ,I WANTED TO SEE IT. Let go or find a solution but let go was not possible ,it never is by just thinking we can so I got determined to find solution.

Yes I got attached to my beautiful sweet girl friend and I was not the first one to do so ,many have ,many are and many will but the wrong part was I got hurt because I was separated from the attachment and somehow I didn’t know how to FACE IT. So what I was doing earlier was trying temporary solution but her remembrance,her memories still remained and once I was in state of loneliness it call came and again I found myself suffer. Thus I knew these temporary work out will not work ,I need some other way to get over these sufferings.

I will try and tell you what I did so that it may help many who are still in such misery and help those who somehow create this misery. The first thing I did was asked a simple yet a complicated question to myself……WHO IS SUFFERING? oohh this was my first reaction ,who????? This was a very different thought which my mind now had to work on (sshh a secret I like to keep my mind guessing), a different view I took out. My mind answered it is me,myself who is suffering. hmmm ,I again asked ,Who is this me?is this the body which suffers……..no it cannot be body cannot suffer it can at times feel pain but in reality it cannot or never suffers. We go on saying my body but in reality is it ours,it is simply made of 5 elements and to be simple it is made up of what we eat and drink,even science says that human body is made up of 70% water and other part is of what we eat and elements…so this body cannot be mine,never. Suffering maybe of different kinds but the cause is one.The cause is that the hidden harmony between human mind and the cosmic existence is lost.

So since body cannot suffer then who is suffering ?is it the mind but how can mind suffer, I needed to get into more depth . Mind is nothing it is just thoughts,when thoughts are there mind is created ,mind is just memories stored in it. Memory is created by our experiences which are recorded in mind. I now need to dug deeper who is that is suffering, mind again as clever it can be came up with an answer no one is suffering …..but I knew someone is really suffering . AND I knew that how can it be the body and how can it be mind ,then who? The whole problem is with the thought “I”,if somehow this thought “I ” is not there ,then there is no body and all problems will go,but I know body is there….so I now have to question more deeper ,who is that is suffering?

We keep on talking about good and bad,about karma and deeds and all this because we live in a falsity because we think this body is ours so why not leave it in the hands of nature ,leave it in hands of God and let him do what he wants to do ,why not surrender and follow the path known as BHAKTI YOGA ., but we call cannot do because still some doubt may remain .

I am on path of spirituality and I like the simple way of  living and thus as they say on spirituality path ask yourself ” WHO ARE YOU ?” ,I started asking myself . Body now I know does not suffer but I needed to see who is then suffering,I am the body is just a thought ,so stupid thought and we are living for centuries in this thought. It is just an instrument . I then thought maybe it is due to emotions I suffer,but again I wanted to know ,What is emotion?

I am her boyfriend and she my girlfriend,these are also thoughts. I tried to remove her away ,removed the girlfriend part,then I removed the moments we had,then I removed the pleasures we shared now there is no boy friend,see only memories are left. Our thoughts are memories and emotion is nothing but only present because of those memories stored in the mind. Thus there are conflicts and clashes because I have my own thoughts about her and she has her thoughts about me ….Now because she left me my thoughts,my memories started creating conflicts with her. She and me in reality are just an combination of memories . I now see it is because that I could not deattach myself from those memories clashes /conflicts started taking place.(hey Soul mate I am sorry).Memory is not a real thing.Girl friend is just memory created by my own thoughts,memory is my creation,it is how I want to see things and all this due to the upbringing we are from that I am body and the other with whom we attach . I am seeing her in the image I created,my girlfriend,my lover.So I got that it is not the problem of body then whose problem is it ,who is suffering? What I think of her is false the truth is what she is .I need to see what reality is (the universal accepted thing is truth which is reality).

To see reality as it is a way of spiritual living but I for some time was seeing reality by my memories which is not spiritual .We need to look at the world ,everyone,everthing without memories..we need to look others on basis of reality.The problem is what I think and she is not at all the cause of suffering. If I see her with hatred that means my memories of her bad is there and when I see her with love it means I see her with good memories. We somehow see things with memories thus our love changes into hatred and our sufferings.,and this is not at all love.This meant I was loving only the memories not the person at all(I love her for real but somehow lost way )

The moment I show things clearer I knew it is so very important to understand the body.,if body is not mine why am I in hurt or pain? If body is made of Nature why cannot I be happy alone?..deep questions asked and I now know things better thus slowly suffering is disappearing and bt the time this post I read again before posting I for sure know there is no more suffering.

Now I at first need to remove those memories,those feelings,those emotions and once again need to become so easy that I become sensitive ,one who feels sensation when touched by different beings or things. I was running behind those positive feelings creating good emotions and suddenly when I started creating negative feelings bad emotions started flowing.

Real love is not based on emotions,feelings,memories. When there is no memory ,when we lose each other into one then there is Love ,the ultimate pure love. Friends love is very deep and deeper is knowing cause of suffering and more deeper to know how to get away from this. I did and I will love that whoever is suffering please it is time you check your self.Our ultimate goal in life is happiness not pleasure,memories when are positive gives pleasure.Understand the difference and check on what are you looking for -happiness or pleasure. Pleasure always gives pain as they are connected,therefore we need a state where we can forget the “I” this “I” is formed from memories.

We all are connected and this is what spitituality says…..now if I have memories of her I see her and if I have memories of myself I see me….thus no conflict,no clash and thus no suffering.

The more we identify ourselves as the thought we are  body watch out problem starts.Good or bad I am no more connected with thoughts,memories,feelings and this is enlightment,accepting things remaining deattached .Our real nature is SAT CHIT ANAND.

In the East we have always defined the ultimate truth as SAT-CHIT-ANAND. SAT means truth, CHIT means consciousness, ANAND means bliss. They are all three faces of the same reality. This is the true trinity — not God the Father, and the Son, Jesus Christ, NOT Brahma ,Vishnu,Mahesh that is not the true trinity.

The true trinity is truth, consciousness, bliss. And they are not separate phenomena, it is one energy expressing in three ways, one energy having three faces.